


to break with tradition (to fall and divide)

by darkestwaters



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: 4+1, Beca has OCD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, OCD, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkestwaters/pseuds/darkestwaters
Summary: The glistening haze of golden hour filled the room, and Chloe was drowsy as it is when the soft drum of Beca’s fingertips occupied her mind, the gentle pattern of one, two, three, on the side of her leg.-Chloe slowly learns what it's like for Beca to deal with OCD.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 26
Kudos: 159





	to break with tradition (to fall and divide)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic on here so please tread lightly! Of course everyone's experiences with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder can be vastly different, and often times much more severe than the depiction here (and goes far deeper than just a 'need' for cleanliness or organization) so please do not take this fic as a stock model for everyone's experiences! 
> 
> There are descriptions of obsessive behaviors throughout this fic so please be cautious of your triggers!
> 
> Thank you for reading x

_i._

The first time Chloe noticed the tapping was in the quiet section of the library the week before finals began. Her and Beca were going on their eighth straight hour that day, the tension and pressure of the upcoming exams building each and every second, and she couldn’t help but watch as Beca’s fingers softly hit the table in a subtle rhythmic fashion. When Beca’s fingers suddenly stopped moving, Chloe felt a small panic bubble inside her, feeling like she’d been caught witnessing something that wasn’t meant for her to see, but when she looked up to meet Beca’s eyes, a small but welcoming smile encompassing the brunette’s features, she forgot about it.

“You wanna take a break?” Beca spoke quietly, staying conscious of the twenty-four seven quiet hours enforced by the Center for Student Wellness, and lowered her laptop screen, marking the first time Chloe had seen Beca’s full face in three hours. 

She pushed her inner monologue out of her mind and mimicked Beca’s smile, similarly shutting her laptop before she had to stifle a yawn she’d been building the entire day. 

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Beca laughed, and Chloe followed suit, thoughts of tapping fingers and short essay sections long forgotten.

_ii._

She never even thought twice about it until a few weeks later, after finals had ended and most of the Bellas’ had traded their rooms in the house for their mattresses back home. The only ones who decided to stay for the summer were Beca, Chloe, Amy, and Flo, the latter two filling that particular day with work and, well, whatever Amy does. Both Beca and Chloe had the day off, a coincidence in their personal work schedules, and they decided to spend a lazy day together to catch up. Even though the summer was keeping them busy, their relationship had progressed, and both girls knew they were moving past the Just Friends territory. 

They spent the majority of the day watching reruns of _Keeping Up with the Kardashians_ , and sometime throughout the day they had moved from their position of simply sitting next to each other, to Chloe snuggling into Beca’s side as the smaller girl kept an arm wrapped loosely around her. 

The glistening haze of golden hour filled the room, and Chloe was drowsy as it is when the soft drum of Beca’s fingertips occupied her mind, the gentle pattern of _one, two, three,_ on the side of her leg pulling her from the grasp of the Calabasas pool party on their television screen. 

“Is that a new beat you’ve been working on or something?” Chloe’s words had a sleepy lull to them, and she didn’t bother turning her head upwards to see Beca, preferring to mumble the question into Beca’s lap. 

Beca was seemingly just as entranced in the lazy afternoon as Chloe, the thought ringing true when Beca mumbled, “Is what a new beat?”, her voice traveling distractedly around the room.

“That pattern you’ve been tapping with your fingers,” Chloe’s tone was nonchalant, and she felt Beca’s fingers slow to a stop as she spoke further, “Is it for a new mix?”

“Oh,” Beca said, and Chloe shifted onto her back a little bit to face her as she continued, “It’s not a new beat. It’s just a…thing I do. It makes me feel better.” 

Chloe was confused when she first heard this, not really understanding what the brunette meant.

“Are you okay? I can move-” She started shifting before Beca’s hand pushed her back lightly, a small chuckle bubbling up her frame.

“You’re fine, Chlo. I meant in like a general sense. It’s calming, or whatever.” 

“Oh,” Chloe nodded to herself, Beca’s statement making enough sense to ease her curiosity. She hesitated before she spoke again, not really knowing if Beca told her _everything_ , but Scott and Kourtney were about to start fighting again, so she was okay if that was all Beca wanted to tell her for that day. “You, uh-You can keep going if you want. I don’t mind.” 

She met Beca’s eyes, the uncertainty of these new boundaries swimming in her gaze, but Beca just smiled and brushed her fingers through red locks of hair, and murmured, “I’ll keep that in mind,” her fingers staying occupied with Chloe’s hair the rest of the evening. 

  
  


_iii._

Chloe finally understood what Beca meant when she said the tapping made her feel better at the end of the summer, when all of the Bellas were moving back into the house. There were some changes being made to the rooming arrangements, and Beca was one of the unlucky souls that had to change places.

Her and Amy were being moved to the attic, which in retrospect was better in every way, with a bigger room, a private bathroom, and peace and quiet from the ever present buzz of the second floor. She knew Beca was perfectly fine with moving, happy even, but could sense the tension that was building in Beca throughout the day. 

It started in the afternoon, when they were clearing Amy and Beca’s room so Emily and one of the new Bellas could move in. Beca had boxed up most of her belongings the day before to make it easier to move out when the time came, but there was a lot of stuff that didn’t fit, sitting loose until someone moved it. That someone was meant to be Beca, but when too many people showed up and when all of the girls seemed to be moving into the house at the exact same time, they needed to speed up the process. 

Chloe was helping Beca move her things into the attic, but eventually Emily joined in and soon after Stacie, and after that it seemed like everyone was moving random boxes into Beca and Amy’s room, the small brunette not being able to keep track of what boxes were even hers. Chloe watched as Beca paused when yet another person entered the room with a box, hastily placing it down on the floor before retreating to most likely grab another. Beca had been transferring her shirts to a drawer, seemingly arranging the same three shirts for the last ten minutes, and the hand resting on the box suddenly started to jerk, her fingers moving quickly in the pattern that Chloe was slowly becoming accustomed to. The motion seemed to speed up when Stacie held up a lamp and shouted across the room to Beca, asking her where she wanted it placed. 

“You can just leave it. I’ll get it later.” Beca gave Stacie a tight lipped smile and the girl put it back down before moving onto the next item, not having any idea about Beca’s apprehension to the whole situation. Chloe, however, noticed, and after confirming that all of the boxes had been brought to the room, decided it was time that everyone take a break from helping Beca out. 

“Hey Stacie?” She called the taller girl over, “Why don’t you take everyone downstairs and get started on dinner. Me and Beca can finish up in here.” 

Stacie had complied, taking at least some version of the hint Chloe was dropping (probably the _wrong_ one), and led the other girls out of the room with no resistance. Chloe waited for them to make it down the stairs before she shut the door, the relieved sigh that escaped Beca’s body the moment the latch clicked being the only confirmation Chloe needed to know that she made the right call. 

As she moved away from the door, Beca leaned back against her bed from the floor and rested her head in her hand, the other tapping out the three part pattern sporadically into her shin. Chloe slowly moved toward her and sat down on the floor next to her, but left enough room so that the brunette could keep some personal space. 

Chloe sat there patiently until Beca moved her hand from her shin and patted the spot next to her, wordlessly telling the redhead that it was okay to move closer. Chloe swiftly shifted her position and wrapped a hesitant arm around Beca, almost letting out her own sigh of relief when Beca leaned in closer and rested her head on Chloe’s shoulder. Chloe kissed the top of her head, glad that Beca wasn’t going to push her away.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Beca sighed, “It’s just been a really long day.” 

“Beca..” Chloe really didn’t want to push it, but she felt stuck, and she wanted to help the girl. She could hear the gears turning in Beca’s mind, and it took a while before she spoke up again.

“It’s just-” Beca started, “I need things a certain way, and with everyone touching my stuff and moving it around, it just…” Her voice wavered off and she never finished her sentence, but Chloe was able to put the pieces together anyway.

“How about we just relax until dinner is ready, and then I’ll go downstairs and grab us some food to eat, and then after that I’ll just keep you some company while you make up your room. Does that sound good?” 

“That sounds really good.” Beca picked up her head to look Chloe in the eyes before she spoke again, “Thank you, Chloe. Seriously.” 

Chloe gave her a small smile and squeezed her shoulder a bit. “You have nothing to thank me for.”

_iv._

Chloe slowly learned that all she could do to help was to be there, to accept Beca with open arms and a rational mind for particularly harder days. 

It happened on the way to one of their last performances of the semester, and all of the girls were stressed out, but Chloe had noticed Beca was a lot more on edge than usual. Somehow, in the midst of midterms and Bellas chaos, Beca and Chloe found time to make it official. Things were good, but Chloe could tell that Beca was a little off, and that rang true as they sat in the back of the bus, the rest of the girls oblivious as Chloe learned that Beca’s troubles ran deeper than just subconscious finger tapping and being particular about how and where her belongings were placed. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chloe was rubbing her hand across Beca’s back as the brunette leaned forward in her seat, attempting to use the lull of the moving bus to soothe her growing anxiety. Beca was the last to run out of the house when they all got on the bus, and Chloe could’ve sworn she saw tears in Beca’s eyes as the small girl rushed past Chloe into her seat, tucking herself in between the redhead and the window seat in the back corner. 

“Yeah,” Beca said, and Chloe swore she heard a light tremble in Beca’s voice, “Yeah. It’ll pass, I just need a few minutes.” 

“Okay, I’m right here.” Chloe moved her hand from Beca’s back and placed in her lap, but she was surprised when Beca cleared her throat and spoke again.

“Can you uh, can you keep doing that?” She still wasn’t looking at Chloe, but her own hand had made its way to Chloe’s knee, latching on as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded, “It helped.” 

“Of course.” Chloe moved her hand back to Beca, slowly rubbing circles along the material of Beca’s navy blazer. After about ten more minutes, Beca sat up, most of the tension seemingly erased from her stature, but the stress still visible in her eyes. 

“Feeling better?” Chloe spoke quietly, part of her not wanting to disturb Beca in case she _wasn’t_ , and the other part of her knowing Beca wouldn’t want the rest of the girls to overhear. 

“A little.” Beca nodded before she let out another deep breath, and Chloe waited for her to speak when she was ready. “I just woke up late this morning and I didn’t have time to wait for the curling iron to fully cool before we left and it just made me really nervous.” 

“And I know it sounds crazy to be so worked up about that, but sometimes my brain just latches onto things, and I can’t stop thinking about them. Like, one minute I’m unplugging the curling iron and the next I’m imagining the entire house up in flames. It doesn’t really make sense, I know-”

“It’s not crazy, Beca.” Beca’s head turned to meet Chloe’s eyes for the first time since she got on the bus, the redhead’s gazing confirming that she meant what she said. Chloe spoke with such affirmation that all Beca could do was nod back, knowing Chloe wouldn’t take any arguments.

“Anyway, I think it passed. It always does.” 

“Is that all you can do? Just wait it out?”

“There are different things that can like, appease it, I guess, but the only thing that really makes it go away is time. Like part of my brain knew that the curling iron would be fine, but I just had to wait for the other half to catch up, you know?” 

“That makes a lot of sense, actually.” They sat there in silence for a few more moments before Chloe spoke again. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this.” 

“Don’t be,” Beca chuckled, “I’ve been dealing with this since I was twelve. It’s usually a little better, it just gets bad when I’m stressed.” 

“Was this bad?” 

“This was average. It could’ve happened any day, really.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad I was there. Even if I couldn’t really do much.”

Beca kissed Chloe’s cheek and leaned into her, savoring the last few moments of calm before they arrived at the venue.

“You do a lot more than you know.”

v.

Chloe found out what a bad day was at the end of that semester, right after finals week ended. Tensions in the house had been high; a house with a bunch of stressed college girls strung out on redbull and monster was a real recipe for disaster, but they were finally slowing down as almost everyone had left for winter break. 

Chloe knew Beca had been especially stressed, and she couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t a little bit worried about the brunette, but she trusted that if Beca needed her, she would call. And she did. 

It was almost midnight when Beca texted her, a simple, _I need you_ , and that was all Chloe needed to roll out of her own bed and bound up the stairs to the attic.

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting to find, but when she opened the door a seemingly smaller Beca came into view, sat the edge of her bed, hunched over with her elbows digging into her thighs for support. 

Beca’s head popped up as soon as she entered the room, and when Chloe heard a sniffle, she decided to approach the situation delicately. 

“Hey, Becs,” She spoke softly and gave Beca a welcoming smile in hopes to put the girl at a little ease. Beca stood up to meet her but didn’t close the space between them, looking like she was hesitant to move any further than where she was standing. 

“I-I’m sorry I called you up here,” Beca began, “I just-“

“Don’t apologize,” Chloe interrupted, “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

She held her hand out for the brunette to take as she spoke, and Beca took it, stumbling forward a bit as she ducked her head and took a deep breath, staving off the tears Chloe knew she must’ve been fighting for a while. 

“Um, A-amy, she sent me this post like an hour ago, a-and it was a _joke,_ but I was just about to go to bed and it reminded me of the window, so I just wanted to make sure that it was locked and-" Her voice broke and Chloe watched as a few tears finally made their way down Beca’s face. Her heart clenched for the girl and she brought her hands to Beca’s face, lightly brushing away some of the tears before kissing Beca’s forehead. 

“What happened after that?” She asked softly. 

“I-“ She paused as another cry threatened to escape her, Chloe’s heart breaking at this unseen side of Beca. She took a deep breath, her exhale anything but steady, and continued, “I couldn’t stop. I just kept checking over and over and it’s been like forty minutes now and I’m so _tired._ I tried counting and I tried just walking away but my mind won’t settle and I can’t–I didn’t know what else to do so I texted you.” 

Beca finally burst after she finished working, and Chloe immediately pulled her into her chest, whispering words of encouragement into Beca’s ear softly as she waited for her to calm down. When it seemed like Beca’s crying had slowed, she slowly separated from the girl, just enough to meet her eyes, and spoke her plan. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to go over to the window and make sure it’s locked, and then we’re gonna turn off the lights and get into bed. I don’t care if it takes all night, but we’ll lay there until that other part of your brain catches up, okay?” Chloe spoke softly but firm, hoping her solution would be enough for Beca. 

The brunette looked hesitant, but she nodded anyway, allowing Chloe to pull away for a moment as she took two hard tugs on the closed window, trying to make it clear to Beca that even she couldn’t open the window. That seemed to work just enough as she eased Beca into bed, feeling just how worked up her girlfriend was at the feel of her racing heartbeat against Chloe’s chest. 

She ran her fingers through Beca’s hair and they waited it out. 


End file.
